BE LOVE NOW !!! : ))

About 30 minutes ago I woke up to the sound of metal scraping somewhere in front of me. "It's the mail slot... somebody's putting mail through the door," I thought. But it kept happening, every few seconds. "Mail doesn't come that much," floated through my consciousness... followed by, "It's windy... making the mail slot open and close," as I gradually became more lucid, then fully awake, I knew that it wasn't the mail slot at all, but rather a piece of metal scraping against the cement of the building somewhere outside of my current home. It's 02:55 now as I start writing this.

Soon after the scraping metal woke me up, and I realized what it was, the other thoughts started. I began to go through the alphabet...

A -- Allan? no
B -- Brian? Ben? Barry? no
C -- Chris? Cary? no

All the way through the rest of the alphabet.... still not there.

I couldn't remember his name, although I had a very vivid recollection of every other word we spoke to one another at Mellriche's Coffee Shop on Davie Street last night. Also readily available were the striking combination of visual details in his appearance and demeanor. Above his right elbow a sort of stretchy fabric arm band, "What is that?" Bright yellow on a blue background the next time he passed by my table, "Oh, it's Sponge Bob! I never did get Sponge Bob at all, even after watching a whole DVD of him. Maybe one or two light chuckles the whole disc!" On the back of his form fitting white t-shirt the bright red lettering, "KAREN." His curley dark brown (black?) hair spills out from under a small stocking cap, framing his kind face. Dark eyes, tan complexion, and it goes without saying, perfectly white teeth in the most loving and beautiful smile I've seen in this city-of-several-million people. About twenty years old, slim and feline as he casually stretches while visiting with another patron of the shop. Every bit of his clothing clings to him, revealing a perfectly healthy, supple body. Appreciation of the visual beauty of this physical form, but no lust here, not any more than there was when I saw the Venus de Milo at the Louvre four years ago.

Overhearing him mention living in Montreal, I decided to ask him about this experience. And NO! Not as you're probably thinking, to flirt. It was because I already knew, deep within, that he would be able to give a meaningful account of the experience. "Maybe I'll try Montreal for a few years, some day?" floated through my mind. His very presence was something that, up to this point a month into my time in this city-of-several-million, I had encountered very little of... presence. I knew that he would tell me what it was truly like to be in Montreal. He said that it was really great, but that it was SO different from Vancouver. That most all of the people he went to school with there were really into business and were very busy. That all of them were working so hard to start businesses, and that small, independent businesses are good! But they weren't really taking any time to really enjoy anything. "Like standing on a street corner and just looking at something! They'd all probably think I was crazy if they saw me doing that!" Then he had to go wait on another customer.

Phillip came to meet me for a coffee before the 8:00 pm meeting that he was taking me to. We hadn't seen each other for several days, but as usual we picked right up. With Phillip it's like the communication just happens naturally and the words are just a formality that we go through out of habit, since we're both humans this time around, and that's how most humans communicate. We had our coffees and got up to head toward the meeting. Looking around, I was somewhat disappointed that I didn't see him. "He's probably in the bathroom," which we passed on the way out the back door to get to the truck. Still raining... "I won't get that wet between here and the truck," as I decided not to open the big rainbow umbrella. Too much trouble to wrap it all up and velcro it again after only fifty feet to the vehicle. "Oh... there he is." Smoking a cigarette. A slight twinge of sadness, at the knowledge of the physical costs, but then happiness, because I KNOW that he's actually enjoying this cigarette!

"Hey! My name's Eric." : ))

"Nice to meet you, Eric! I'm _________" (Jesus! How could I have possibly forgotten his name?!?!)

"Have a great evening!"

"You as well!" : )) "Hope to see you here again sometime!"

"Oh yeah, I'll be back for sure!"

He's almost certainly straight, I think. This is not flirtation at all, but rather something completely unexpected and almost overwhelming to me. He LOVES me... but not just me... he loves everyone and everything around him at all times. He already is, at the tender age of twenty-something, that which I aspire to be -- pure love. And he's here for the same reason that I am! WOO HOO!!!! It is all so clear to me now at 3:51 am. This is what I'm here to do. Just BE... LOVE... NOW !!!

At all times!

With all people!

In all situations!

BE LOVE NOW !!!!

BE! As in be fully present, aware, the pure, unadulaterated, universal consciousness, the whole of which we are all beautifully individuated parts!!! No thoughts, no judgements, no worries, no regrets, none of that background noise that catches the attention of THE consciousness, which we all truly are. Just BE.

LOVE! This is a verb, which words are actually inadequate to describe, but let's give it a try. It's what we do every time we see a friend, or a baby, or a puppy, or a kitten, or a bunny rabbit, or a soaring eagle, or a spectacular sunset. It's what's happening when we enjoy a great big belly laugh. It's what's happening when we hug. It's what's happening when we smile. It's what's happening when we kiss. It's what's happening when we make love! This feeling, noun, verb, concept, emotion, sensation IS WHAT WE ARE at the core of our being!!! Unfortunately, it gets clouded over by our minds too much of the time, but when the mind begins to quiet, love starts to shine through more and more ; )

NOW! Is all that there is. It is always now. There IS NOTHING ELSE!!! The past exists only as a recollection in the mind. The future exists only as a projection in the mind. Now is all that ever has been, is, or will be. Now is where the presence, the consciousness, the joy, the love always occurs. The mind is never now. It is always either in the past or in the future. THE MIND IS NOT WHO OR WHAT WE ARE. It keeps us out of the gift, the present, the now. It is THE distraction which directs our attention, the consciousness that we are, away from the present moment. And guess what... the mind is the source and location of all suffering. Entire volumes have been written on this, and I used to understand it intellectually, with the thinking mind. But, more and more each day, I know this truth, because I'm spending more time in the true, natural state of my being, and the mind is falling away. Yes, thank God.... I'm losing my mind : )) And more and more of the time, NOW I AM LOVE!

This is it. What all the beloved masters have tried to share throughout the ages by their very presence. The only thing that they did, the only thing that they taught, the only thing that they wanted for each and every one of us was to BE LOVE NOW!!!

This is the first thing I've written since I came to Vancouver. It far surpasses any and all importance of any books i might write on health and wellness. It captures the essence of why I'm even here on this planet at this point in the third dimensional space / time continuum. This is my "job." This is who I AM. I am here to BE LOVE NOW!!! : ))

Thanks for reading!
Namaste,
Eric : )

ps: so much more has gone into bringing me to this point in my journey, and much more can and will be written in the future to correlate with tonight's experience and emotion; however, it's 4:38 am, and I will be practicing Bikram Yoga in less than two hours, so stay tuned : )

The Next Chapter In My Life

Hello everyone : ) It's been quite a while since I posted on here as I've really gotten out of the habit of writing, but I figured this would be the most efficient way to share with everyone what's going on in my part of our world. I've already told the tale aloud to lots of friends and family who seem to get quite a kick out of it, so I decided to write it down for the rest of my loved ones who haven't yet heard what I'm up to these days. Any and all feedback is quite welcome, although I probably won't respond to comments on here but will be available on my email ericmix@gmail.com

For quite a while I've had a kind of low level feeling, knowing, nagging sensation that working as a physician in a clinical setting just isn't 'it' for me. I do love many aspects of the job, and feel grateful to be able to help people in my work on a daily basis, but lately I've had the growing realization that somehow western medicine has got it all backwards -- practicing miniscule amounts of prevention and maximal, expensive intervention--and that it is just not what I'm meant to be being and doing anymore. Some time within the past year or so the title of my first book came to me. This title pretty much captures the essence of what I'd like to be, do, and say during the remainder of my time on earth in this body; however the time just didn't seem right financially, spiritually, or emotionally to make the radical changes that I knew I'd make when I started actually writing this all down. You see, to write this book I'm going to have to step way out of the comfortable little zone I've been in for the past few years of regular work, steady income, and "benefits." As a matter of fact, I fully intend to leave that zone behind for good and go out on a limb to follow my heart's desire and do what I know it is time for me to do to be able to help the most people that I can with my remaining time on earth.

Don't worry! I do NOT have any sort of illness, terminal or otherwise. I'm actually healthy as a horse, cool as a cucumber, and in a better frame of mind, body, spirit than I've ever been in in my life : )) There's a renewed sense of excitement and purpose in my life now since making this decision, and sometimes I feel like I'm going to just swell up and bust with joy! So here it is...the title of the book:

WHY I LEFT MEDICINE AND HOW YOU CAN TOO -- A doctor writes his greatest prescription

Several people have suggested that I not quit clinical doctoring work completely, but rather keep working and just do the writing while I work. This just doesn't feel right to me, because implicit in the title is the act of having already left. I want this to be authentic, and I feel that taking this leap of faith will lend credence to my words. When the potential reader picks this up off the shelf and reads the inner cover, I want them to feel a sense of inspiration, a knowing that they too can JUMP out of the box and make changes that will result in a better quality of life, enjoying a radiant and healthy holy trinity of body, mind, and spirit.

I've given my official notice of resignation at my job with IHS here in Lame Deer, Montana. My last day will be September 30. Not only will this be my last day at this job, but also the end of my time in the clinical practice of modern western medicine. I'll head back to Oklahoma and Kansas for a couple weeks in early October, then from Tulsa I'll fly up to Vancouver, BC, Canada where I'll begin writing in earnest. My Dear friend Wendy has a lovely place where I can stay in a great location downtown with a stunning view! It's just about a 15 minute walk up the street to a daily, noon meeting with a group that I consider to be one of my 'home groups' in my recovery program. There's really no need whatsoever for a car while living downtown on the West End of this beautiful city. I'll also have access to Bikram Yoga again, and will be a lean, mean, writing machine after two months of my fruit/veggie smoothies and yoga 3-5 times a week. I got a plane ticket with my American Airlines frequent flyer miles and only had to pay some small taxes (about $50) for the round trip flight, returning in time for the holidays with family in OK / KS on December 20. By this time I will have the first draft written, or at least the bulk of the work done and/or a strong book proposal that I can send to agents / publishers. By the time I leave Lame Deer, I'll have given away the vast majority of my material possessions and will be able to move the remainder on my little white pony (the Prius). So here's the basic timeline:

--Sept 30th: last day of work in MT, leave for OK

--October first few days: visit family / friends in CO, KS, OK

--October 7th & 8th: attend and participate in "I AM" event at Washington Irving Park, 13700 South Memorial Drive in Bixby, OK

http://www.iammindbodyspirit.com/

https://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=255005541185296

--October 13th: Fly up to Vancouver, BC Canada to spend a couple months writing and offering free wellness consultations (see below)

--December 20th: Fly back to Tulsa and spend the holidays in the heartland with family / friends


While in Vancouver I plan to begin offering free "Health and Wellness" consultations like this. I'll sit in the atrium area of the Vancouver public library (google it -- it's an AMAZING location!) with my iPad and a sign that says:

FREE Health and Wellness Consultations
Former Drug Dealer (Licensed Physician)
Donations Gratefully Accepted
50% of ALL donations I receive will be donated to the charities of my choosing

Teaching in this way is something that I've dreamed of for a long time, and now it will be realized very soon. I know without a doubt that my needs will all be met through this work and with earnings from my writings. The Source of ALL THAT IS will continue to care for me and guide me, just as she has throughout this lifetime : ) I'll be able to continue helping people without all of the hassle and frustration of a clinical work environment while fully embodying the true meaning of the word 'doctor,' which comes from the latin 'docare' -- to teach. Furthermore, it will be offered to those who actually want education, and not just a pill to fix whatever symptom they might be having. As the saying goes, "When the student is ready, the teacher will appear."

Although these ideas have been floating around in my head and heart for a while, I hadn't yet received the signals that the time was right to start bringing them into manifestation in my reality. That all began to change when I ran into my dear friend, Joe Picorale, in Tulsa on June 11. We got to hang out and spend some quality time discussing life, love, consciousness, the universe... all the usual stuff. We've traded books back and forth for a few years now and Joe gave me a copy of a book that so many folks have recommended to me over the years:

CONVERSATIONS WITH GOD -- An Uncommon Dialogue - by Neale Donald Walsch

I started reading it on the plane on the way back from Tulsa to MT, and was absolutely blown away by this book which, in my opinion, is the most profoundly truthful, loving, joyous, and blasphemous (relative to major religions) thing that I have ever read! It is now my new favorite of all time, and I highly recommend it to everyone!!! After finishing this phenomenal book, I started reading it again, as I follow the advice of my late sponsor and friend, Gil Baker, who suggested that if reading something for personal growth, I read it at least three times all the way through so that it becomes integrated into my being. A few seconds after I finished the book, I went to the author's website, clicked on the 'events' tab and found an event to attend at the end of July. This event was called "The Homecoming," and was held in the home of Neale and his amazing wife, Em. There were only eight of us in attendance, so it was quite an intimate, loving, and moving experience to say the least! Words are truly inadequate to describe how inspiring this experience was for me, but suffice it to say that this event and the wisdom that I received there crystalized for me that the time is right... RIGHT NOW to begin this new and exciting phase of my life. Many thanks to Joe Picorale, Neale Donald Walsch, all of the amazing new friends who attended the "Homecoming," as well as to all of the wonderful friends and family who have offered so much encouragement, love, and support as I go through this transition!

In reference to my last blog post, in case you end up reading it as well, I feel like I already HAVE won the lottery metaphorically by receiving the inspiration to move on into these new frontiers; however, I will continue to play the actually lotto so that when I win it I'll have extra resources with which to help folks ; )

So, this is the beginning of the next chapter in my life. For those of you in OK, KS, CO, and BC, I look forward to seeing you all very soon. To those here in SE MT, Thank you for being a part of my life and a very fond farewell, rather than goodbye, as I know that we will meet again someday. Much Love and Light to one and all!

Eric : )