Enjoying WHAT???

This post might cause some to question my sanity, but here goes! Some of you may have heard me say, "I'm going to drive this car till the wheels fall off." Well, as it turns out, that was a self-fulfilled prophecy. On Tuesday, November 27, 2009 someone ran a redlight and totaled my little BGAP (the Big Gay Activist Prius). I wasn't hurt at all, but alas, the BGAP was "totaled" by the insurance adjustors.

I was westbound on 7th street when a southbound car ran the red light at Elgin Street and struck me on the rear passenger door. Luckily the pavement was wet, I had a lot of forward momentum, and they struck me behind the center of the car (axis of rotation). This caused me to continue forward while spinning. I think I turned around about 3/4 of a turn in the middle of the four-lane street without hitting any other vehicles. The other car had it's front end smooshed in and to the right and the radiator busted all to hell. They were able to pull over to the side and didn't hit any other cars. Thankfully, nobody was hurt!

Here's where the story gets a little wierd and even crazy ; ) I saw the oncoming car just as I entered the intersection, and I'm pretty sure that the emotion, if not the actual words, "OH SHIT!!!!" passed through my mind. A split second later there was an explosive sound as the other car hit mine. Everything was moving in slow motion, just like I've always heard that it does from anyone who's ever been in a car wreck and remembered it. The BAMM from the impact was surprisingly brief...not at all as long as the sounds of car crashes in the movies. At some point I had started braking, maybe before or after the impact--I can't remember which. I realized that I was spinning by the motion of the scenery outside the car, as well as the insistant BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! of the anti-skid warning alarm and light on the dash. I looked at it and thought, "I know I'm fucking skidding!!!" and then started laughing, and thought to myself, "RELAX." Somehow I was able to purposefully and mindfully relax my entire body because I knew that tensing up would really exacerbate the later aches and pains. When I finally came to a stop every warning light on the dashboard was lit up. The passenger side curtain airbags were the only ones that had deployed, as they were on the side of the impact. My cell phone was cradled comfortably in it's usual spot in the console cup holder. Chuckling ironically, I called the office of the attorneys I was on the way to see about an upcoming deposition. I made the call quickly, then opened the door and was relieved to see the two passengers of the other car standing outside and looking OK. We called out to each other and made sure that all of us were alright, then waited for the police and the wrecker to arrive. The weird and crazy part of this whole thing was that I felt absolutely ZERO anger, frustration, anxiety, or any other negative emotions at all. I was simply filled with gratitude that all of us involved were alright. The other party completely admitted fault and was sited by the officer for running the red light. Unfortunately for them, their insurance had been canceled for non-payment a few months before, so my insurance company will end up going after them for it after they pay my claim. If I could afford to do so, I'd just pay it myself so that the other folks wouldn't have to go through all the trouble, as I'm sure that they can't afford it; however, I also can not afford to pay off what I still owe on the Prius or to get another car without the insurance settlement, so I'll have to file. If I won the lottery though, I'd just drop it and buy me another prius as well as one for the other folks. When I try to think about it logically, it doesn't make sense to me at all--that I feel worse for the people who were at fault than I do for myself, the actual victim of the accident. The only emotions that I can come up with are gratitude that nobody was seriously injured and sorrow for the others who appeared to be way less fortunate in life than I am.

Less than an hour after the impact I was in a FANCY Camry with heated leather seats and XM Radio, blasting the amazing, gay, dance club music : )) The wrecker had towed me directly to the Toyota collision center which had the Toyota car rental center next door. The folks at both places were super helpful. I went to an AA meeting, then went for my favorite Indian food at Kolam. From there I went on out to Coweta to see my practice partner, Shawna McCalip, MD to get checked out, documented, and treated for the soreness that was creeping up on me. I didn't have any serious pains yet, but my entire upper back was starting to tighten up and get a little achy and actually burning. The burning wasn't bad, just an odd sensation. Shawna was lucky enough to get to see my manly man hairy chest when she checked for seatbelt marks...lol :-P Everything checked out fine and I got a shot of toradol and my scripts for toradol tablets, flexeril (muscle relaxer), and medrol (steroid anti-inflamatory)called in to City Drug in Coweta. They had them ready WAY FASTER and at a MUCH better price than Walgreens! I got all three scripts for $17, which is what the giant corporate chain was going to charge for only one of them! I'll never fill one at walgreens again. After getting my meds I went back to Mary Ann's place in Tulsa because she has a Tempurpedic bed in the guest room for me to sleep on and a heat pad, which I didn't have at home and didn't really want to buy. We got a bite to eat and then both turned in for the evening. I ended up taking three tabs of toradol after the shot, only three of the flexeril. The last dose of each at 7:30 Wednesday morning, and I didn't even start the steroid does pack at all. I was feeling perfectly fine through the rest of the afternoon Wednesday, so called the office to let them know I'd be in to work on Thursday. I was VERY lucky to have come through such a collision with such minor injury!!!

I don't write about this experience to toot my own horn, to say how magnanimous I am, or anything like that. Rather, this post is more of a testament to the power, peace, serenity, and innumerable other benefits that I've received as a result of starting down a spiritual path almost nine years ago. When I put down the bottle and picked up "the program," my life began slowly but surely changing for the better, and it has never stopped improving. If it weren't for the program, I'd probably still be stewing, spewing, and downing the brewing in a vain attempt to kill the emotional pain. Not only have I been able to let go of any negativity associated with this accident, but I've also been able to handle it all very well with all of the complex details of paperwork that are involved in towing the car, arranging insurance claims, looking for another car, planning for the financial aspects, etc. Without the program, I'd have been a mess. Without the power of prayer and meditation, I'd have been lost. With the power of spirit, the program, prayer, and meditation I've enjoyed peace, serenity, focus, and strength in the midst of one of life's unexpected little storms. VERY strangely, I actually enjoyed the experience, as it was all completely new to me. For everything, I'm truly grateful : )

Pure Cafe in Tulsa

On Sunday, November 8th, I had a nearly ecstatic culinary experience for lunch with my friend, sponsor, guru, Mary Ann : ) This was our first lunch at Pure Cafe in Tulsa, Oklahoma. Pure is a completely raw food vegetarian eatery to the best of my knowledge, and it may be vegan as well. According to Mary Ann, they've been in the catering business for quite a while and have now ventured into the sit down restaurant arena. Considering that it was possibly the best food I've ever tasted in my life, if I have anything at all to do with it, they'll be here to stay!

Lunch was a complete sensory delight. The the fuschia orchids and multi-colored daisies gracing the tables were gently illuminated from the front of the restaurant by a large, awning covered bay window as well as delicate dangling lamps from above. A perfect breeze wafted the aroma of the food back and forth between the open front and back doors. Honey bees hovered about, attracted by both the flowers and the fruit scents I imagine. I used to have quite a bee and wasp phobia, but they seemed utterly harmless and added an extra dash of nature to the experience. Music played at the perfect volume softly accentuating all of the other sensual stimuli. Our corner of the restaurant was the apex of the two bench seating areas, which afforded us both a complete view of the place. The bookcase on the wall just inside the entry shelves a facinating collection of raw food cook books--an oxymoron suppose, since none of the food there is actually cooked, but rather prepared.

Mary Ann had a pizza with a crunchy crust of what seemed to be ground up nuts. Aside from the nibble of the crust that I had, she polished off the whole thing without a problem! I had coconut noodles made of tender baby coconut "meat" which was tossed together with cashews, radishes, and lots of other stuff that I couldn't identify. I've decided that for me, it doesn't matter what's in it as long as it's tasty and comes from the plant kingdom. To top it all off, they had fresh coconut water, which is now my absolute favorite beverage on Earth! : ))

I can't wait to go back and try some more of their amazing creations! If you're up for a phenomenal senory, culinary experience, check out Pure Cafe:

Pure Cafe
3711 S Harvard
Tulsa, OK
www.purerawcafe.com
918-749-8000

You won't be disappointed!!!

Meat Relapse Dream

Fascinating what the mind will come up with in the middle of the night! A night or two ago I dreamed that I was chewing on something that tasted very bad, had a horrible texture, and was tightly stuck in my throat. I thought, "What the hell is this I'm eating?!?!" Then I looked at what I had in my hand and realized it was a chicken sandwich, like what one would get at a Chick-filet fast food grease bin. I was at once shocked, disappointed and disgusted, wondering how and why I had picked up a chicken sandwich, let alone begun to eat it. Then I decided to spit out what was left in my mouth and choke down what was still in my throat, resolving to be more careful in my future food choices.

Dreams of this type are not unfamiliar to me. I've been having them for years since I had my last drink of alcohol. I'll be in mid swig when I realize what's going on and the feelings that I have in these "drunk dreams" are exactly like what I had in the meat relapse dream the other night. I'm always terribly surprised and disappointed that I've messed up; however, invariably my resolve to continue on down the right path is steadfast. I feel about eating meat much the same as I do about drinking alcohol. It is a thing of the past for me. Not only do I not miss it, but I'm truly thrilled about my future life without it!

Stopping the consumption of meat is not a loss for me at all, but rather an opportunity to fully explore and delight in the bounty and variety of vegetarian cuisine : ) Browsing the produce section is way more fun than I ever imagined it could be; furthermore, I'm now unconcerned about getting my hands covered in scary bacteria like I used to be when shopping in the meat section. Same goes for my cutting board. I'm pitching the old one that I used for meat and happily slicing, dicing, and cutting all my fruits and veggies on my new bamboo board without worrying about the "cross contamination" that used to have me on edge any time I cooked meats--chicken in particular. I've got a lot more room in the freezer as well, so now I can prepare large quantities of my veggie delights and freeze them for later use. Although I used to eat meat and enjoy it quite a lot, that hadn't been the case for quite a while before I completely stopped, so the first week of being meat free has been incredibly easy. Not only have I not missed it, but I feel much better already. I wasn't tempted even a single time the entire week, and I know that I won't be in the future either : )

I'm sure I'll have more meat relapse dreams... maybe around holidays or when I'm visiting family. Just like my familiar old alcoholic drunk dreams, I'll awaken with relief, resolve, and renewed faith that have made very wise choices in leaving those things behind.

Vegetarian Adventure : ))

Tomorrow, September 14, 2009, I'm beginning an adventurous new phase of my life as a vegetarian! I'm really excited about this for three reasons. First, I will know that I'm no longer participating the cruel, painful, murderous treatment of animals just so that I can enjoy a meal. Second, I won't contributing the the environmental devastation that goes along with the production and distribution of meat and egg products. And third, I know for certain, and from experience, that I feel physically much better when I'm eating a vegetarian diet!

This decision has been a long time in the making.... probably way back when my dear friend, Sheri Ann Ingraham (McManus), first told me that she was a vegetarian over two decades ago. She explained that she didn't eat meat because she couldn't stand the thought of killing an animal or eating dead creatures. Back then, and since then, I know I have teased her, made fun of her, taunted her, and tried to tempt her to eat meat all the while knowing that she was right. I just didn't want to admit it or give up something that I really enjoyed back then. Well... SHE WAS RIGHT, AND I KNEW IT ALL ALONG. Later on in life, another friend, Kris Ryan Stallard, attempted to become a vegetarian and met with the same pathetic treatment from yours truly. I think that I teased him out of my own shame and sense of hostility toward something that I didn't want to admit was right. While on the Alaska Hay House cruise in July, I met an extraordinarily cool set of pair bonded vegetarians (sometimes they bond just like love birds in the wild ; ) ), Jeff Sumber and Kari Snick. They were a sparkling inspiration to me, although I might have teased them too! I'd like to take this opportunity to thank all of the vegetarians who have ever shared with me their experience, strength, and hope. Although I was much slower to come around, I'm very glad that I have, and I thank you for your positive influence in my life! I'd also like to apologize to Sheri, Ryan, and any other vegetarians that I may have teased in the past. That was the best I could do at that time, and I'm sorry! I will not act that way any more, and now you ALL have the satisfaction of being able to say, "I told you so!" : ))

Since late last year I've been much more aware of my physical body and the way it reacts to things that I put into it. I can feel, taste, smell, everything much more intensely than I've ever been able to in the past. Along with these enhanced physical sensations now come emotional reactions and intuitive feelings. Eating meat has quite simply become revolting to me. I think that I was quite literally tasting the cruelty and suffering embodied in the dead animals that I was eating. Things that I used to love now make me almost nauseated when I try to eat them. First to produce this reaction was red meat. It has tasted bad to me for quite some time. Then I switched to pork and loved it for a while. After completing the Master Cleanse (previous post "Fasting - Day 1"), pork became almost impossible for me to choke down. I was still eating all of these, trying to reacquire a taste for SOME meat, but it just wasn't happening. All fowl began to taste foul!!! How the hell was that for a pun?!?! ; ) Recently I had my favorite dish at TeKei, one of my favorite Tulsa eateries. I was looking so forward to that duck, and it was a chore just to finish it. I was feigning excitement and enjoyment, but wasn't really feeling it. Three nights ago, I even got a drive through hamburger at Burger King. Forcing that down was really similar to smoking my last cigarette. I could remember how I used to enjoy it, but really felt nothing but revulsion. The last meat that was prepared in my home was a chicken curry that my dear friend Alan D'souza made over labor day weekend. It was wonderful and spicy, filled with coconut, pepper, and so many other amazing flavors that the sauce covered up the chicken flavor to a large extent. In spite of how good it was, I couldn't wait for it to be finished so that I could wash out the pot and get the meat out of my refrigerator! I hadn't cooked any meat for myself in a LONG time, and hadn't really even thought about that. It was happening at a level outside of my conscious mind. So I guess that I've been gradually transitioning to vegetarianism in my own home for a long while. Now it's time to make the switch to eating that way everywhere.

This is not a sociological experiment to find out how everyone is going to react to my new lifestyle choice. In the past, I've done things like change my hairstyle just to enjoy the various reactions. This is quite different. Although I know that the reactions to my vegetarianism will vary widely, I'm not doing this just to enjoy the reactions of those around me. Some will laugh, some will rejoice, some will deride, some will hate, some will sneer, some will be pissed off, some will understand, some will be bewildered, some may even cry, out of happiness or pain. I don't know and will not even attempt to predict how all of my loved ones will individually react to this choice. Although I will find it interesting to see everyones' reactions, these experiences are not at all part of my motivation to be vegetarian. They're simply an interesting side effect ; )

I know that in the past I selfishly felt annoyed by others' vegetarianism because I felt that it limited my choices for eating at different places. Some of the family and friends may feel like they'll be put out or have to work harder to feed me when I visit. Well, don't. My nourishment is not for you to worry about, and it hasn't been for a long time (Mom & Dad) : ) I will be quite fine feeding myself if what is prepared at your home has meat in it. I've become adept at preparing my own food and transporting it wherever I go. All of you have grocers within a reasonable distance, and if I want something different than what you're making, I'll go buy it and make it myself. Also, I will be able to find SOMETHING at almost any restaurant that you might want to frequent, although I will draw the line at fast food joints. I have not been eating at any of those for a long time anyway, so my future will not change at all in that respect.

I'm making this change in my life for myself primarily, but also for the benefit of the planet in general. If I stop eating so high up the food chain, others around the planet will have an easier time just eating. All of our actions produce effects that we generally don't even try to imagine, but which lately I have spent a good deal of time pondering. Much less fossil fuel will be burned for me to be fed. That one simple statement encompasses so much, that it's difficult to comprehend, but please try! Americans are approximately 5% of the world's population but use around 25% of the fossil fuels. Much of this use is due to production and transportation of animals and food products that contain them. If you are interested at all in understanding how food choices affect the environment, or if you need some help with this concept, look up things like "carbon footprint," or "fossil fuel food production" on google or wikipedia. Also, look into the amount of water and grain that it takes to force feed beef cattle, swine, and chickens in a way that is unhealthy and cruel to them, just for that piece of steak, rib, or hot wing. Or, don't. If you're uninterested in how your choices affect other creatures and humans on the planet, don't think about it. Don't look into it. Go glibly on with life as you've always known it. Although I don't personally believe the tired old adage that "Ignorance is bliss," I do know that it can be quite a comforting anesthetic to the consciousness.

There are many different types of vegetarian diets, and if you're interested, you can look them up online as well. The purest that I have found is "Raw Foodist Vegan." People following that diet eat no meat, dairy, or egg products of any kind, and also eat only uncooked foods. "Vegan" vegetarians exclude the same things, but do cook some of their foods. Some vegetarians are "lacto-ovo" vegetarians, and they include dairy and eggs in their diet, but no animal flesh that comes from a creature that has eyes. As for myself, I'm going to continue to eat some dairy for the time being. I will eat foods that contain eggs ONLY if I know where the eggs come from, and that they come from independent farm raised hens in which the hens roam free and are not in any sort of factory production line. The industrial process of obtaining eggs on a massive scale is simply a horror show. After reading this blog post and watching the YouTube video embedded in it, I made my final decision to give up eggs and meat:

http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2009/09/modern-day-nazis/

There is a family that lives just down the road from me, on my way to work, where I can get eggs in the future if I have any need for them. I will also be using this amazing resource :

http://www.oklahomafood.coop/

Then I'll know EXACTLY where much of my food comes from! : ) So, in summary, I will eat vegetables, fruits, legumes, roots, nuts, plant-derived oils and fats, grains, breads that I prepare, or breads that contain humanely raised eggs. I will also continue to eat dairy products for now. Eventually I might give that up, but I'm just not ready for that step yet, though I will be finding out where I can get dairy that isn't industrialized as soon as possible.

I'm really looking forward to experimenting with new recipes and cooking and preparing wholesome foods which will nourish not just my body, but also my mind and my soul! Sheri and I are already planning on sharing recipes and other info. I've also got my dear and amazing friend, Allison Blanchard, M.D., who's been growing much of her own food and actively participating in the Oklahoma Food Co-op for quite a while. She has also been quite an inspiration to me as well as being a phenomenal teacher and friend! : ) When Sheri and I were discussing my future of vegetarianism I told her that in a way giving up something that I've loved in the past is a process of mourning, much like giving up alcohol or cigarettes (both of which I've done). She brilliantly encouraged me to think of it not as a loss, but rather as a gain in health, exciting new eating choices, and a higher state of consciousness! Once again, she told me so : ))

This blog post is not an attempt to proselytize or convert anyone to vegetarianism. Mainly I'm trying to get my thoughts down in writing in an organized fashion so that I don't have to explain my decision and life choice so thoroughly dozens of times! My choice to live as a vegetarian is for me and the benefit of all sentient beings on the planet Earth. How others chose to use or not use my experiences and the knowledge of my experiences is entirely up to them, and I hereby relieve myself of any need or desire to change anyone in any way--including their dietary choices. I will not preach the gospel of vegan, or attempt to coerce or shame anyone into not eating meat. Invariably I will be asked to explain why I don't eat meat. If someone asks a question, I will answer it honestly, possibly replying that I've already fulfilled my lifetime quota of meat, or I will get lazy and simply refer them to this blog for the explanation : )

New Career Chapter

Next Wednesday I'll begin practicing medicine in Coweta Oklahoma at a Family Practice Clinic known as Winn Family Practice. I had the privilege of doing five days of locum tenens (temp work for doctors) there at the end of June for my friend, Shawna McCalip, M.D., who is the managing physician. Shawna and I worked together in the ER at Muskogee Regional Medical Center before we both burned out on ER. Shawna is apparently a lot tougher than I am, as she had been doing it for over ten years. I lasted shortly less than four. I'm absolutely thrilled to have this opportunity to start practicing medicine in a clinic setting where I can focus on helping people to heal in a holistic way. The word "doctor" does not mean, "He who passes out a pill to make you feel better." It really means "teacher," from the latin 'docare' -- to teach. I will focus on teaching my patients, giving them the information so that they can, if they wish, make choices in their lives which can lead to vibrant, lasting health.

When patients come to me for whatever reason, I will address their immediate problems; however, I will also take the opportunity to inquire of them, "What are your goals for healthcare? Do you want to feel really good, or do you just want me to try to fix a problem so that you feel a little less bad for the time being?" Depending on their answers, I will work with them to meet their goals. If they just want a problem fixed, I'll do my best to help them achieve that goal. If they really want to feel good, we will work on that together. I will attempt to share my experience, strength, hope, and knowledge with patients to help empower them. I'd like to teach them ways to heal themselves as whole human beings--mind, body, and spirit. I am convinced that If people are healthy mentally and spiritually, then they will be physically as well. Where the mind and spirit go, so will the body follow. DIS-EASE will melt away, to be replaced with good physical health--if only people are happy and at peace : ) Over the past few years, I've learned a few things about peace, serenity, joy, happiness, and good health. I can not wait to be able to share these things with my patients in this new clinic, working alongside my friend and colleague, Dr. Shawna McCalip : )

Bon Voyage

Recently I returned from one of the best voyages of my life! The main purpose of the trip was a writers' workshop on a cruise ship, which was sponsored by Hay House Publishing. Not only did I get to learn copious amounts of stuff about writing, publishing, and marketing books, but I was able to do so in style on the HAL Amsterdam, sailing through the inland passage of Alaska. To top it all off, I was blessed once again to be able to spend time with my dear friend Wendy in one of my favorite places in the world--Vancouver, BC, Canada : ) She's the Canadian angel who put up with me for over a week in her luxury, 25th floor, downtown Vancouver Apartment. Without her, I might have gotten complacent and purchased a one-week transportation pass, but OH NO!!!!!! We biked or walked EVERYWHERE, and I'm much the healthier and fitter for it :-)) Many thanks also to my friend, David, who put me up on the outbound and return legs of the trip, stored my car, took me to and from the airport, and even lent me his silk jacket to wear to formal dinners on the cruise. It was his incredible four-wheeled suitcase that helped me to sail through airports, the cruise ship, Victoria Harbor, busses, border crossings, and many sidewalks.

I took a bus from Vancouver to Seattle and made my first ever bus border crossing. These particular busses are only licensed to make cross border trips between the Canada and the US, and they have it down to a fine art. There were two different groups of cruise passengers on one bus, each group bound for a different ship in Seattle. The folks on the Hay House "I Can Do It" cruise on the Amsterdam got on first. After driving for about 20 minutes we stopped at a highway truck stop / convenience store and picked up the passengers bound for the the other boat. About 20 minutes later we were at the border crossing. Everyone had to take everything they owned off the bus and through the security screening and border control where they checked passports, visas, etc. The whole process took less than thirty minutes from the time we arrived until we were pulling out of the border crossing, which was more efficient than I had expected. The drive down the coast to seattle was mountainous, beautiful, and perfectly comfortable in the bus. Along the way I met several nice folks, and a lovely couple from Chicago with whom I later got much better acquainted on the boat. Shout out to Jeff & Kari!!! ; )

After snaking my way through the line for about an hour and 1/2, I boarded the Holland America Lines Amsterdam. Each of HAL's ships are named after some place in Holland, and their names all end in "dam." My big suitcase was checked in and arrived a couple hours later outside the stateroom door; that's what they're called - staterooms. My stateroom was 2705, very near the aft / starboard (back /right) part of the ship. This was a great location, as it afforded easy access to the rear deck and a stairwell which led up to the 3rd floor "promenade" deck on which one could walk around the entire ship and be outside in the fresh ocean air. It also forced me to walk great distances to get to the workshops which were all in the forward part of the ship. Soon after boarding, I met my roommate, Steve. We got along fabulously, and I felt that I hit the roommate jackpot with him! Right after meeting we had to rush up to the 3rd floor promenade deck with our lifejackets on for a mandatory lifeboat drill, which lasted about fifteen minutes. I felt better knowing how to don the life preservers and get to the right place, just in case. I was assigned to early dinner at 5:30, so I got dressed (pants and button down shirt) and had the first of an amazing array of exquisite meals. Cruise ships are quite simply food paradise. That evening was the first session of the writers' workshop, presented by Reid Tracy, head publisher of Hay House. All in all it was an amazing first day.

The rest of the cruise was simply out of this world. Never in my wildest dreams could I have ever imagined the writers' workshop being any better--a separate blog post just on that topic later. I chose one shore excursion for the first port of call, Juneau Alaska. Having come on this trip mainly for the writers' workshop, I decided to take it easy the rest of the time and not to try to do a thousand different things. As it turned out, I only left the ship that one time in Juneau before disembarking at the final port of call in Victoria, B.C. The energy on this ship was phenomenal! People were generally enthusiastic, friendly, easy going, and happy. Every day I exercised, as it was so easy to integrate that into the routine. The entertainment in the evenings was also fantastic. The two shows I attended were comedienne, Julie Barr, and The Texas Tenors. Julie was an absolute riot, and the Tenors were stupendous! Just being on the ship was pleasurable; with the continuous, underlying thrum of the engines in the background and the gentle rocking of the ship, I felt like I was right back in the womb : ) As a matter of fact, I really missed that once I was back on land. The cruise was a top-notch experience!

My one shore excursion was a whale watching trip in Juneau. We took a bus from the port downtown to another dock about 15 minutes away. Along the way we had a great view of the Mendenhahl Glacier, which was named for a glaciologist who never actually saw it in his lifetime. Our whale watching boat was perfectly equipped for the occasion with panoramic six-foot high windows all around the inside, an open deck topside, and a buffet dinner with salmon mousse, roast beef, shrimp cocktail, fruits, breads, pastries....a feast fit for a king (or a queen) ; ) Within minutes of leaving the dock we began seeing the whales spouting in the distance, geysers of mist shooting up from the surface, humped backs undulating slowly. Everyone was waiting with baited breath to get a photo of the tail. Of the fifteen or so shots that I took, two were good tail shots and one was of the whale breaching--jumping partly up out of the water. The humpback whales can be up to fifty feet long and weigh a bunch of tons. Most of the pics that I took of them just looked like a hump sticking out of the water, hence the name I guess. I don't know if they have humps all the time, or if they just arch their backs as they get ready to dive down. Their backs may not be humped at all for all I know. If they saw me doing Bikram Yoga, they might think of me as a humpback person? These whales come to Alaska to feed during the summer and then back to Hawaii for the winter season, so they get the best of both worlds as well as claiming two of the most scenic of the United States as their homes! I'm glad that I got to see them hanging out in their native environment as opposed to in some cage or side show, doing tricks in San Antonio or San Diego for the amusement of people. I wonder how the two respective saints for whom those cities were named would feel about whales being kept there for human entertainment purposes? I also got to see some seals sunning themselves on a buoy near where the whales were frolicking. There were about four of them lying on the flat part of the buoy about 3 feet above the water. Some of the others swimming around the buoy seemed to want to get up, but the ones already there were having none of that! They'd bat the others back dow, arch their backs high, act as if they were going to jump down, then flop back onto their buoy bed as if to say, "Boy, it sure is nice up here on this buoy.... must suck to be down there in the water!" On the way back to the dock we saw some bald eagles up in the pine trees. It was exciting seeing them, but honestly the view of the birds is really better on a 52 inch LCD screen ; )

I've got a lot more to tell about this trip, but this is enough for one post. I think I'll do a separate post just on the writing workshop and another just on the Victoria and Vancouver part of the trip. As always, any and all criticism and/or suggestions are welcome!

Fasting - Update (and conclusion)

I was able to use the "Master Cleanser" fast for a total of seven days, from the time I woke up on Monday, June 15, until I went to bed Sunday night, June 21. During that time I consumed only the lemon juice, agave, cayenne mixture (stuff) and/or water. On days 1, 2, and 6 I also used the salt water cleanse which thoroughly cleans out the colon in short order! The last time that I did the salt water there was only one trip to the commode. By the end of the seventh day, I felt that my mind/body/spirit had been sufficiently purified, and I made plans to stock up on fruit juices to transition back to eating again the next morning, Monday, June 22.

While fasting I was able to do my housework, hang out with friends, attend my classes at the School of Metaphysics, do yoga, meditate, and go to work in the emergency room for two shifts. Several times I attended meals with friends and watched them eat while I sipped at my stuff, or a glass of water. That was DAMN tough! A couple times, I wanted to dive across the table and land face first in my friends' plates... but i didn't. Some people asked, "So, you can't eat ANYTHING?!?!?", to which I replied, "I can, but I choose not to." I don't really have the words in any language to describe the looks on their faces when they heard that, but suffice it to say, it was priceless : ) Early on it was more difficult, as my stomach churned almost constantly, wanting SOMETHING, ANYTHING to digest, but that didn't last long. I had guidance from Wendy and Jack, who suggested that I just drink more of the stuff to avoid hunger. That worked like a charm. Most of the time I was not hungry at all. I did have to pee a lot more frequently, but not as often on the "number 2" without any solid food.

I'm happy to report that my fast was a success in several respects. First, I felt very in tune with my body. I was much more consciously aware of all sensations. Smells were much more fragrant, colors more vibrant, sounds more resonant -- or sometimes dissonant! Second, I felt much more calm in general. Equanimity was the buzzword for me during the fast. My meditations immediately became much more placid, with fewer random thoughts intruding or interrupting the peace. An example of this was actually quantifiable numerically by the candle meditation exercise that I do daily. While staring at a candle flame for ten minutes each day, sitting upright, feet flat on the floor, pencil in hand, I make a mark each time my attention wanders away from the candle flame, or rather, just as I direct my attention back TO the flame. Before starting the fast, I was recording marks in the mid thirties. On Tuesday morning after beginning the fast Monday, my attention only wandered fifteen times from the flame -- only HALF of the number of distracting thoughts. This trend continued throughout the week. Third, I simply felt healthier. I realized that everything that I put in my body has a direct effect on how I feel and how my body functions. As my body released waste, junk, toxins, etc, I began to realize that it's very important to choose carefully what I consume from now on. Last, but not least, I lost a few pounds, and in the process, my stomach shrunk. This will be beneficial in helping to save money and continue to lose weight as my overall health improves.

Monday morning I began easing out of the fasting state with some pure fruit juices. Holy cow... talk about sweet! I felt like I was drinking pancake syrup, after having consumed only the stuff for a week. I bought an orange mango mixture and already had a natural organic apple cider in the fridge. Both were quite yummy, but I could only take small amounts at a time. The first food that I tried out that morning was the "Tribe" brand hummus from Reasor's Grocery. I read the label actually looking for something in particular... and there it was, big as Dallas. ***SUGAR*** With a heightened sense of taste, for the first time ever, I actually noted it in the hummus. Seems it's put into most processed foods nowadays to get us to eat more of them. Well, fool me once, shame on you.... fool me twice, shame on me! I'll be making my own hummus from now on, thank you very much ; )

At lunch time that day, I gingerly experimented with solid food. I had four chilled shrimp with cocktail sauce, two small spears of asparagus, and a bite of sweet potato. The shrimp tasted OK, but I didn't really enjoy them at all. The asparagus was tasty, but overly salty. For those of you that know me, you'll realize how significant it is for ME to say something is too salty ; ) The sweet potatoes tasted like butter and sugar swirled together with orange color and a little cinnamon. By the end of the meal, I felt a little bit let down, thinking, "So, THIS is what I've been missing? Should have stayed on the fast...." It's not that the food that they serve in the doctors' lounge isn't good. It's just that after clearing out my system so well, my tongue is much more discerning! I also ate three plums, perfectly ripened, and a banana, which was a little bit on the green side. Later that evening, I had some of the left over home made lasagna that my friend Jaemie made and left for me. Now THAT tasted great! I relished every flavor in it, from the different kinds of cheese, to the texture of the pasta, to the amazing sauce and spices : )) Strong work, Jaemie!!!

I didn't exactly follow the instructions of the "Master Cleanser" book in reintegrating foods, as it recommends having only fruit juices for a whole day, then adding a few bites of fruit the next day, then salads the day after, and never EVER returning to eating toxic, dead animals EVER EVER EVER again! Well, I was ready for some food, and I ate. Furthermore, I'm not quite prepared to become a raw-foodist, vegan just yet! I also didn't use the recommended maple syrup in the mixture, instead substituting agave syrup for most of the fast. I did have enough maple on hand to make one batch of stuff, and it was tasty, but a little too sweet for me personally. The agave worked better for me. Seven days felt like enough, rather than the recommended ten in the book. As I had already been eating very healthily since late December, I felt well cleansed after that time period rather than the entire ten days that were recommended.

In conclusion, I fasted for seven days. My body felt somehow lighter, as did my mind and my spirit. My preparation for dietary intake for each two day period took only about an hour, which drastically simplified life. I lost a bit of weight. I got into closer conscious contact with myself, Source, and my everyday reality. I'm glad I did it, and I'll do it again someday when I feel the need for a physical and spiritual boost : )

Fasting - Day 1

On Monday, June 15, I started a fast from all foods and most beverages. Fasting is a part of every major spiritual tradition and is seen as a way to get closer to Source, God, Creator, I AM. It is also a way to purify and detoxify the physical body. The only things that I will consume for ten days are plain water or a yummy concoction of lemon juice, water, agave syrup, and cayenne pepper. This beverage is a variation of that recommended in a booklet called "The Master Cleanser," which some refer to as "the lemonade diet." Last week I spoke with my friend, Joe P. who was doing the Cleanser at the time. That got me thinking that this is actually a pretty good time for me as well. Thanks for the inspiration, Joe!

I purchased a citrus fruit juicer a couple years ago, along with the agave syrup recommended by Jack G. At the time he also recommended non-irradiated cayenne. I bought plain old Wal-Mart cayenne that has likely been irradiated, and Jack said not to use it! So I went to Whole Foods in Tulsa the other day and bought the organic lemons and the NON-IRRADIATED cayenne. In the past couple years, I've planned to carry out this fast on at least two different occasions. I even purchased the lemons. Then I didn't start, and the lemons all spoiled. But this time is different. I've been doing quite a lot of work lately on building good habits and self discipline, and now I'm actually ready : )

Day 1 was the 15th of June. I got up, started my daily meditation exercises, and proceeded with the first step of the "Master Cleanser" process. This involves drinking one quart of room temp water (purified, spring, or such) with two TSP of non-iodized sea salt. Also on the recommendation of Jack, I used the Himalayan Sea Salt, which tastes quite nice and has a bit of a pink hue to it, due to the mineral content. I drank it all down without a problem, although I was quite glad to be finished after that last gulp! The purpose of the salt water step is to cleanse the colon, and all I have to say about that is, MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!

Next, I set to work preparing the lemon juice drink, which will be hereafter referred to as "the stuff." I got all of my supplies out and organized them across my kitchen cabinets in my usual anal retentive fashion. Then I rearranged them to improve efficiency. Then I arranged them all again, just for good measure! Once I had all of the supplies and tools ready, I started making the stuff. First I cut two lemons in half and juiced them. The recipe calls for two TBSP per 10 oz glass of stuff, so I decided to start with two lemons. I juiced them and measured out 10 TBSP of the lemon juice into my measuring cup along with 10 TBSP of the agave, which stirred together quite nicely into an amber colored liquid. I poured this from the measuring cup into an empty one-gallon spring water jug, which I figured would work well for shaking and storing the stuff. Next, I poured in the proper amount of water, 50 ounces, and added 1/2 TSP of cayenne. As the recipe calls for 1/10 TSP of cayenne per 10 oz glass of stuff, I decided to multiply the whole thing by 5 to make a larger batch, because who the fuck has a 1/10th TSP measuring device?!?!?!?!? Finally I shook it all up in the jug, poured my first 10 oz into the measuring cup, and poured it from there into my favorite crystal wine glass that I got from Hun (my grandmother, Lois) years ago. Voila! Tasty stuff!!! Jack was afraid that I would hate it, since he knows that I really don't care too much for sour things. But the stuff doesn't really taste sour to me at all! The agave sweetens it nicely and the cayenne gives it a nice, spicy kick! Even when I'm not fasting, I'll probably make this sometimes for beverage variety and to serve to guests.

Here's the recipe I used:

10 oz purified or spring water
2 TBSP agave syrup
2 TBSP lemon juice (FRESH SQUEEZED, ORGANIC lemons)
1/10 TSP cayenne pepper (NON-IRRADIATED)

Once again, I multiplied the whole thing by 5 for ease of preparation and storage. Had I multiplied it by 10, it would have not all fit into a one gallon jug easily. After making the first batch and measuring out all of the TBSPs of lemon juice and agave, I realized that two whole lemons juiced was basically the perfect amount for a batch, and that when I added the requisite agave syrup, it totaled a PERFECT 10 oz in the measuring cup! This will save a bunch of tedious measuring with the measuring spoon in the future. I also marked the outside of the jug with a black sharpie once I had all of the ingredients in so that next time, all I'll have to do is pour in the lemon/agave juice and then fill the rest of the way up to the line with water. This will save measuring out five cups of 10 oz each and pouring them individually into the jug.

The benefits that I expect to receive as a result of fasting are the following: First - it will purify my mind. Both the Buddha and Christ went out alone and fasted for some time and look how good they turned out!!! ; ) Second - it will purify my body, as the lemon juice and the salt water flush are purported to remove toxins from the system. Third - as my mind clears, my spirit will be more open to receive wisdom in meditation which I now practice daily. Fourth - I will more than likely lose some weight. Fifth - my stomach will shrink significantly, and when I do start eating again, smaller portions will suffice. Sixth - having purified my mind, body, and spirit, I will be ready to receive the teachings of the writing workshop that I'm attending in July.

So far so good! I'm on day 2 as I write this (Tuesday the 16th). I woke up with a slight headache, which might be a result of caffeine withdrawal or low blood sugar. Not sure which. Either way, it's not too bad. Yesterday I was somewhat hungry most of the day, but it wasn't as bad as I had anticipated. Today, I really don't feel hungry much at all... just a little bit tired and headachy. Everyone that I've talked to has said that after the third day, you really start to feel great, and that if you can just make it past that crappy first three days, you'll be fine. We shall see! Stay tuned for the next thrilling installment of "The Lemonade Fasting Chronicles!" ; )

Out of the Metaphysical, Psychic, Spiritual Closet

OK, it's time to just come right out and write about all of the experiences that I've had over the past year that have convinced me of my own divinity, as well of the divinity of every other human. When I say "divinity," what I mean is that we are all part of something so large that I can't really find adequate words to describe it, but I'll attempt to capture it with something like "Universal Consciousness." I've alluded to this newfound knowledge, or recollection rather, in previous posts, and I've told a few of my closest friends about these happenings, but the time has come to write it all down. These experiences were generally surprising at the time that they occurred, and I didn't know how to process them when they happened. Gradually I've realized that * I AM * much more than just this gorgeous hunk of man flesh, or bag of cells and chemicals, or cognizant animal that you know as Eric Wayne Mix, D.O. I am consciousness that is incarnated or downloaded, if you will, into this body. Many things that I've read in the past year have helped to explain the occurrences which I am about to relate below. I've read quite a few books recently that have given me at least a partial explanation and understanding. If any of my behaviors have seemed strange lately, this will provide some background as to why I've been acting this way. Hopefully this post will make things clearer for everyone, including myself!

Not too long after I got sober in December of 2000, I began to feel like I was waking up from a long, but restless slumber. I even said to some folks, "I feel like I'm just starting to be awake for the first time!" A few months or years into my sobriety (freedom from alcoholic stupor) I started to notice synchronicities very frequently, particularly around the use of my phone. Whenever someone would call me on my cell, more and more often, I had JUST been thinking about them prior to the call. It was like I got a psychic call before I got an electronic call. It also happened the other way around, as I'd call someone who would say to me, "Oh, I was just thinking about you!" These little phone coincidences were simply a source of amusement back then. My explanation to myself at the time was that my mind was simply becoming clearer, so I NOTICED these things more often, as opposed to thinking that maybe they were OCCURRING more often.

Once I had taken my friend Gary to the airport in Corpus Christi, so he could go back to New York. I wrote my cell number on a slip of paper and gave it to him as I dropped him off. About a week later I thought, "I should call Gary and find out when he's flying back so I can pick him up." I called him right then, and when he answered he said, "Oh my GOD, you're never going to believe what just happened! I just finished putting your number into my phone, and just as I hit enter, the phone rang, and it was you!" By the time this one happened, I was starting to get used to it, and it wasn't such a surprise after all. We had quite a good laugh over it. Not only have these little "phone hits" continued, but they have gradually increased in frequency.

Another phone hit that REALLY freaked me out was not just a synchronicity, but rather an outright psychokinesis of sorts. That's about the best word I can come up with to describe what happened on a lazy day last summer. I had been playing phone tag with my friend Allycia all day long while I was flitting around Tulsa being the social butterfly that I am. I had made several other calls and had finished talking with my cousin, Machelle, after which I placed the phone into the cup holder in the console of my car and turned the screen off by pushing the top button. I left the ear phones (buds) in my ears and continued driving. After a few seconds, I heard the soft electronic buzz go silent, as it does shortly after hanging up the phone. Next the thought crossed my mind that I should try calling Allycia again. It was getting kind of late though, and I looked at the clock on the dash of the car which read 9:37. I thought, "Maybe I shouldn't call her now... It is kinda late... she's got a husband and little girl and all...." Then I heard that soft electronic hiss start up in the ear phones. This always happens right before a call comes IN, so I looked at the phone sitting in the cup holder to see who's name and/or picture would show up on the screen. Nothing on the screen, but the soft electronic hiss was still going off and on.... Tsssssst..... Tsssssssssssssst........... Tssst................... Tsssssssss..............Tsssssssssssssst...... Then came the sound of a phone ringing on the other end of the line, as if I had called OUT to someone else. I stared at the phone thinking, "Why isn't the screen on? And why does it sound like the I'm calling someone else?" I picked up the phone and continued staring at it, still hearing the outgoing ringing sound, and I thought, "What the hell?" I pushed the button on the top of the phone which activates the screen, and what I saw on the screen almost made me scream and drop the phone!!! On the screen it said, "Calling Allycia Jones." She didn't answer, but a second or two later her phone went to voicemail. I struggled to get out a few words.... something casual like, "Hey Allycia... phone tag, you're it! Talk to you later." It was all I could do not to scream, "OH MY GOD!!!! My friggin phone just called you by itself when I wasn't even touching it, but I was thinking about calling you!!!!!!!" This particular type of phone psychokinesis hasn't happened since. I don't know how it happened, but I'm absolutely certain of the fact that I wasn't touching the phone at all, other than the contact of the ear buds which were still in my ears. Nor is there any chance that I somehow hit a "redial," as I had been talking to someone else altogether before the phone called Allycia...either by itself, or with a little psychic nudge from my mind.

Not long after the psychic phone call to Allycia, I had another weird iPhone moment. This one took about 24 hours to play out though, and it involved the iPod function of the same phone and my dear friend, Jack. He and I had plans to meet one evening to have dinner with my friend Martha and then see a play afterwards. I was driving toward tulsa earlier in the day, listening to my playlist titled "Women" that has about 20 different female singers featured. As I got closer to Tulsa, I thought, "I wonder if Jack's done with his massage client? Maybe he'd wanna go to Lunch? Should I call him now? No... I'm too close to those cell towers, and the call will drop. I'll call him when I get closer to town." This was at about 11:15 am. Ten minutes later I called him, but got his voicemail and left a message. We didn't have lunch, but met later as planned and had a nice evening, after which I slept over on his couch. The next day we were running around town in my car, driving down the Broken Arrow Expressway when I asked Jack, "Do you ever get a song stuck in your head and wonder where that music is?" to which his head snapped around and he shot back, "You were listening to that Edith Piaf song yesterday morning, weren't you!?!?!?" Stunned, I replied that indeed I had been listening to it on the way to town. Jack said, "You sent that song to me!" As he was finishing up the linen changing process after his massage session the day before, carrying the towels through the kitchen to the washer, he said it was like BAM!! Suddenly someone had turned a stereo on full blast in his head with Edith Piaf wailing away in French, "Allez, venez, Milord! Vous asseoir à ma table...." Months before, I had burned Jack a copy of Edith's songs, "Milord" being at the top of the playlist. He'd listened to it a few times and then put it down and hadn't heard it for several months. On that day, as I was driving to tulsa, thinking about calling Jack, and listening to the song, "Milord," Jack suddenly heard it loud and clear in his head, but from about 15 miles away, apparently. Jack tells me this is an example of my clairaudience. Whatever it is, it feels to me like more than mere coincidence.

Backing up a bit to Spring of 2008, I had an experience which really jump started my interest in paranormal events. It was a dream (during sleep) the likes of which I have never had before or since, and It made a very strong impression on me, since it was so unusual. Throughout my entire life, in my dreams I have always been myself -- Eric Wayne Mix. Never in my dreams have I ever been any other person or creature, or in any different time frame from that in which I was living, in waking life, when the dream occurred. That's why this particular dream was so startling and unusual to me. Part of the reason it was shocking was the absolutely realistic quality. It did NOT have any of the surreality of my usual dreams, but rather was like a vivid scene in a movie in which I was starring. The whole thing lasted about 5 to 10 seconds worth of real time. In the dream, I was suddenly standing and looking down at myself thinking, "What the hell am I doing wearing this women's robe?" I had ahold of the left front edge of it and looked down the front and outside, noticing the gorgeous burgundy color and intricate pattern woven into the silk fabric. The edge that I was holding was a cream colored, quilted, tubular border. As I pulled the left side of it open, I noticed that the inside was equally beautiful gold silk, also with a beautifully woven pattern. There were small loops of cord about two inches each in the inside of the left side of the robe. Upon seeing them I thought, "That must be how to fasten it...I think it's called hook and eye, or something like that... but I don't know how to do that." At this point I looked up and saw a window directly in front of me about eight to ten feet away with bright mid-day sun shining through it. The bottom of the window sill was about three feet above the ground, and the overall height of the window was about three to four feet with the top of the window shaped into an arch. There was no glass in the window. It was just open to the air. I realized looking at the window that the wall into which the window was built was 1.5 to 2 feet thick and made of stone. Then I realized there were several people standing all around me. I didn't look at any of them directly, but I could tell that they were there in the periphery surrounding me. I felt very disoriented and nervous, knowing that they were waiting on me to do something. I thought, "They're waiting on me to fasten this, but I don't know how....OH YEAH....They're supposed to do this for me!" It was like I'd suddenly remembered the key variable in a complicated algebra equation in a moment of EUREKA! So, I held out my arms and waited for them to come to me and finish fastening my robe for me, as this was how things were supposed to be done. Then I woke up.

The experience of this dream really threw me for a loop, but I did have a slight inkling of what had happened. I had heard two of my close friends speak of remembering their past lives. I thought, "Could this be a past life experience?" Rather than a remembered experience, it felt more like * I * (my consciousness) had suddenly ended up in the body of a woman in the midst of an ordinary daily event in medieval life. I spent about 5 to 10 seconds there, then fell back into my body in the current time frame right as I woke up mid morning on a sunny late spring day, 2008, in my country home outside of Hulbert, Oklahoma. Whether it was a past life remembrance or a projection of my consciousness into another space/time/physical reality, it was most assuredly not an ordinary dream at all.

These experiences along with many others have convinced me of one thing -- I AM more than a physical body. The day to day physical reality that I experience with the five senses via this body is but a part of the dynamic, flowing, interconnected wonder of the universe. I KNOW that there is so much more just under the surface, waiting to be discovered. Rather than constructing a several-hundred-billion Euro particle accelerator to unlock the mysteries of the universe, I think I'll continue to hone my skills of concentration, attention, and meditation, thereby discovering who and what I AM. Having caught only the slightest of fleeting glimpses of that beneath the surface of reality with the experiences related above, I no longer have fear of anything on this physical planet. This body will decay but the I AM inside of it will not. I know not what lies in store for me after my journey in a human body on this planet, but I know that something else will continue on, even if it is just some of my heat and electromagnetic energy here on earth. At worst, death of this body will be the great, deep sleep from which I don't awaken. At best, my consciousness will continue into another incarnation of physical reality somewhere else in the universe, or it will join into the universal superconsciousness. Now I'm at peace with whatever may happen.

Namaste,
Eric : )

Rimpoche

Last night I was fortunate enough to be able to hear Khen Rinpoche Lobzang Tsetan speak in Tulsa at Congregation Fellowship Church. Rinpoche is an honorific title in the Tibetan language which means, "precious one." This particular Rinpoche is the Abbot of the Tibetan Buddhist Monastery in India which is the main monastery of the Dali Lama. As far as Tibetan Buddhism goes, this lovely fellow is one of the most exhalted of spiritual leaders living today. The teachings that he transmits have been handed down over hundreds of years from Lama to Lama in an unbroken lineage and are as close as one can get to the original pure form of Tibetan Buddhism. What a privilege it was to hear him speak!

Rinpoche is an elderly gentleman who bears a STRIKING resemblance to my own late grandfather, Wayne Mix. He speaks English with heavy Tibetan accent, which I was able to understand by sitting on the front row and listening very intently. Dressed in red and golden robes, he walked up to the stage, beaming like Miss America the entire time! He removed his shoes before going up on stage, but kept his fluffy red socks on, walked to the lounge chair in the middle of the stage, and curled up in it cross-legged. Next, he opened up his brown, cloth bag and took out a shiny, gold lamay, spiral-bound notebook, and a bright, golden, cloth-wrapped something-or-other. After arranging everything on the table before him, he put on the microphone and proceded to greet us with a bow and an invocation prayer in Tibetan. Finally, he unwrapped the mysterious gold cloth covered package. Inside was a book, bound in what appeared to me to be green leather. From the front row (yes, I'm a TOTALLY nerdy, front row student) I could see the writing on the pages and recognized it to be Tibetan. The book was longer and narrower than a typical western book, and when he opened it up to read from it, I noted that the spine was lying horiontally, rather than virtically. He flipped the pages up and down instead of side to side.

Rimpoche began by reviewing what he had already covered in two previous lessons, which I was could not attend. Then he began the body of his discussion for the evening. His taught his lesson with eloquence, humility, joy, humor, and an absolute sense of conviction born of decades of personal experience of walking the path of Tibetan Buddhism. Although he taught much more than I can write in this blog, I would like to relate two of his key concepts. First, there are no things outside of us that cause suffering. There is only the EGO within us which causes the suffering in reaction to events. Second, EVERY time that we experience a negative emotion, we should say a quick prayer of thanks, because it is through experiencing these little burrs under our saddles that we are reminded to get back on the spiritual path, the point of which is to end suffering! Some consider the end of suffering to be enlightenment... in case you were wondering ; )

For Rimpoche and every PRACTICING Buddhist with whom I've ever been acquainted, these teachings are not simply something to be heard and believed with blind, unquestioning faith. Rather, everything taught in Buddhism is meant to be practiced, lived, experienced and KNOWN! Rimpoche's talk for me was a beautiful reminder of teachings which I had once studied and, for a time, practiced quite regularly. Somehow, over the course of the past few years, I've gotten sidetracked from the study and practice of Buddhist teachings and meditations; however, much of these principles have stayed with me and have become a part of my character, makeup, and way of relating to the world. I've been fortunate to be able to pursue many avenues of spiritual growth and development. The conclusion I've reached is that if I'm not moving forward, I'm sliding backward. The more effort I put in, the more peace and serenity I receive. The more I give, the more I get in return. I guess in conclusion, what I really mean to say is, "IT WORKS IF YOU WORK IT, ERIC!"

Closer to Fine

The title of this post comes to me this morning as I evaluate my mental and emotional states. Some may recognize it as a song title from the Indigo Girls, although the lyrics don't particularly match what I'm going through now, as much as the song title does. Lately, I've been experiencing much more serenity, calm, equanimity, peace, and joy throughout my days. This may sound ludicrous or far-fetched, but the absolute God's honest truth of the matter is that I can not remember the last time that I had what one would consider "a bad day." I do not ever experience them any more. From time to time I do have moments that annoy me, piss me off, enrage me, sadden me, or in some way make me feel bad; however, I'm getting better at catching my mind reacting with these negative emotions... quickly! Then I, the presence behind the mind, can laugh at the folly of my mind (ego) going through those detrimental mental gymnastics. More and more I'm able to act rather than react to any situation which may arise. As I experience more serenity, I am willing to tolerate much less drama. Sure, things continue to happen, but increasingly I'm able to handle them with calm, logic, and positive rather than negative emotions. My mind is a tool that I choose to use for my own enjoyment of this life and to help others to do the same IF THEY WANT MY HELP! Moving toward joy and away from suffering is what I'm doing. The end of suffering and the beginning of eternal bliss is known by some as enlightenment, heaven, or nirvana. Whatever it's called, I know that I want it for myself and for all sentient beings. So, as mentioned above, I'm getting "Closer to Fine" : )

New Directions

I just got back from a conference entitled "I Can Do It," which was put on by Hay House Publishing in San Diego, California last week. Many thanks to my dear friend, Wendy who told me about the conference in time for me to arrange a road trip through the beautiful desert southwest of the United States! The conference featured several authors of Hay House who gave talks on subjects relating to their respective writings. As it turns out, EVERY talk that I heard was individually worth the price of admission for the whole conference! I came back from this trip with a new vision and a new purpose for my life : ) More to come on that subject....

Ebb and Flow

Just as the sun, the moon, the seasons, and the tides rise and fall, so do my levels of energy, serenity, motivation, and health. Recently I've been on the upswing on all levels. I think this is due to the realization that it is time to transition to another phase in my life which does not include Oklahoma or Emergency Medicine. The Louise Hay video "You Can Heal Your Life" has really jump started everything!

A few weeks ago I came down with the latest GI bug that was going around. That afternoon I noticed that my stomach was aching a bit, so I went to bed. At 4:00pm I had to run to the toilet, beginning the 48 hour stretch of the trots. Fortunately there was no vomiting. I was able to make it into town to get the same supplies that I prescribe to my patients (or to my patients' parents to get for them). The B.R.A.T. diet -- Bananas, Rice, Apple sauce, Toast. I got four liters of pedialyte, not knowing how long I would be ill. Just as I was checking out with my supplies, I noticed there was a pharmacy in Reasors... WOO HOO! That meant I was able to prescribe myself a great anti-nausea medicine which must have worked, as I didn't puke a single time...DOUBLE WOO HOO!! Got home and began the process of healing. Very little food, two liters of pedialyte, and lots of rest did the trick. It's interesting to observe the processes of my body, mind, and spirit during an illness. With a few years of spiritual training under my belt, the self pity was at a bare minimum. Also distinctly absent was any blame of anyone who might have "given me the bug." I was oddly happy and peaceful in spite of the frequent trips to the toilet, the stomach cramps, the weakness, and the all over body aches. By Wednesday, I could feel my guts slowing their churning and my strength gradually returning. Fortunately, my hunger did not return to it's previous levels, nor did the size of my stomach, so I've been able to cut WAY back on the amount of food I need to stave off hunger pains. TRIPLE WOO HOO!!! It seems that the probiotic kefir really helped a great deal.

Since recovering from "the bug," I've been eating a much healthier diet which includes several servings of fresh, raw fruits and veggies and virtually no sugar or refined flour. In keeping with the new good habit of using positive affirmations to make positive changes in my life, I frequently repeat the following to myself, "I only eat and drink healthy things, because I feel SO MUCH better when I do!" That one simple little phrase makes all the difference in the world in my emotions and my behaviors regarding what I consume! The temptation to eat junk food is simply gone--like a piece of trash blowing past my consciousness carried away by a stiff wind. Nowadays crappy, processed, unhealthy food tastes revolting. I can't even force myself to consume it, nor do I want to, providing I continue my positive new mantra, "I only eat and drink healthy things...."

I've also been using this mental, emotional, verbal, psychic, magic trick on myself since around December 20, 2008 to stay smoke free. If I find myself wanting a cigarette, I say to myself, "I only breathe clean air because I feel SO MUCH better when I do!" This little ditty is the absolute God's honest truth. When I say it, I am in no way blowing the proverbial smoke up my own ass ; ) It also contains zero negativity, and the words "smoke" or "cigarette" are nowhere in the statement. For the past two and a half years, since relapsing on cigarettes, I'd been trying to quit smoking, but had been using the wrong language for success on myself...saying things like, "I want to quit smoking," or "I need to quit smoking," or "Smoking's bad for me," or worst of all, "I LOVE to smoke, but should quit." With such words going through my mind and coming out of my mouth, it was no wonder that I kept smoking since all I was saying was, "SMOKE, SMOKE, SMOKE" in combination with some negative phrases. Now, using the positive language and eliminating the offending word, the obsession has been lifted. Thanks Atman! (see the Bhagavad-Gita or wikipedia for explanation of "Atman").

Of course just like everything, the motivation to continue this ebbs and flows. It takes continuous effort and renewed commitment just to be able to speak to myself positively in this way on a daily basis. Something that helps me with this is daily meditation and reconnecting to Source frequently via AA meetings.

I've no idea if any of this makes any sense to anyone else, but it does to me. Seems like it's helping me to write about things from time to time as well : )

Fear is fading fast!

Recently I came to the realization that the majority of my actions over the past three years have been taken due to feelings of fear. I read a book in February '06 that sent me into a downward spiral which was enhanced by finding out other disturbing facts surrounding world events and history. My mindset since then has been one of urgent preparation, care of loved ones, and defense against "enemies." I purchased a house and some land at what I considered "a safe distance" from a major population center with the aim of preparing to grow enough food to feed myself and all of my friends and family who might need to be saved from the coming disasters. It has taken me several months of solitude, contemplation, and relaxation to realized that this state of underlying fear in my mind simply is not beneficial and is a waste of my precious time in this plane of existence on earth!

Many of my closest friends, family, and acquaintances have patiently heard me out as I foretold of the dire straights that I foresaw in the future of the United States and the rest of the world. If any of you have suffered unduly from these prognostications, please accept this as my sincerest apology! Please know that I shared the information out of a sense of love and caring so that all of you might be prepared for the difficulties, real or imagined, that I saw in the future. Also, know that I still believe that our nation and our world are in for some major changes, and that I don't recant ANY of the beliefs that I have previously held regarding the energy situation, the financial situation, or the evil, murderous nature of the United States government. It's just that I no longer feel any sense of fear around this knowledge. I just got tired of being afraid, and I made a decision to take action to get out of a constant state of fear and into a state of joy, love, and compassion for all sentient beings!

Lately I have been working diligently to come back into the present moment and to stop living in the future, which exists only in my mind. I've done this by tapping into the infinite Source of love, power, connectedness to everything that I will henceforth refer to as Source. Funny... it rhymes with The Force! This seems to be what I hear other folks refer to as God. I frequently go to meetings where lots of people for many years have referred to Source as God, and sometimes I do too. The meetings always help me to tap into Source. Meditation has become an essential tool for making contact with Source. Books (a great pleasure to me) have also been indispensable in my quest to get back to a place of joy, peace, and freedom which flows freely to me when I am in close contact with Source. This place is the present moment. The more time I'm able to spend in the present moment, the less time I live in fear! This has not happened for me over night, but rather has been a result of quite a bit of effort and work; however, the work that I've done seems miniscule relative to the serenity, peace, and freedom that I receive from Source when I do make the effort!

I now know that I am not simply a human being that people refer to as Eric Mix. I feel, know, perceive that I am pure consciousness--a part of the universal consciousness--that just happens to be interacting with the physical world in this part of the space time continuum via my physical body. This body, like every other human body before or after my time here, will decay and eventually cease to function. Nobody really knows what will happen after consciousness and the force of life that comes from Source leaves my body. Logically speaking, the worst thing that I can foresee happening is that the body's dying might be like an eternal sleep. The best that I can imagine is that I will return to Source and join with the eternal consciousness of the universe--a state that could be bliss beyond the capacity of my mind to comprehend! Knowing that I am not simply a set of mental, emotional, and physical characteristics brings me a great sense of peace and love, which is, in essence, the end of fear : )